My Testimoney

For many years I have struggled with my Faith. I never understood why I was holding back, and why I couldn't trust in God. I never felt a true connection to the Gospel, or felt like I was worthy enough of God's love.
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When I was growing up, I had faith. Not very strong faith, but it was there. I remember when I pretty much just gave up on religion. I had hit one of the bumpiest, twisty, dark road. I had lost family members to illnesses, my mother was a manipulative, abusive addict. Instead of running to God, I ran FROM God. I let the negativity of the people surrounding me take over my thoughts, I let those people make me feel small and insecure about wanting to build a relationship with God. I let them darken my heart, and close it's eyes to the Love of Jesus Christ.

​I have felt so alone and broken. I grew to hate myself. I used my body trying to make myself feel loved by another. I abused alcohol and drugs in high school, so I could feel something. I had grown numb to everything surrounding me. I didn't want to end up like my mother, so I only abused drugs for a limited amount of time. I knew then I was able to be saved, I just didn't know how. I didn't know how to seek help, so I felt like it was me against the world. I never noticed that God was there, helping me fight.

​On January 22, 2017, four days ago, I had finally opened my heart. I was sitting at an 11 o'clock church service that I had forced myself to go to, and I felt it. I felt Jesus Christ move through me. I felt His hand on my shoulder, His love in my heart. I had never believed anyone before me about being able to feel the presence of God, but that morning, I truly felt him. I was overcome with emotions, and waterworks sprang from my eyes. All my life, I thought I was going to live without ever feeling God's presence.

​After the service I had been saved by a man named Pastor Chris. He listened to how I felt before, and not once did he show judgement in his eyes, but love and respect for me. He prayed over me, and not once did he make me feel stupid or terrible for feeling alone, broken and numb towards Jesus Christ. That man saved me that day. That man helped me feel good about myself, and that man helped me believe that I was worth loving.